R-15 01: They can’t ALL be geniuses
It’s a little depressing that even for a fanservice anime, my mind immediately went straight to the implausibilities of the story’s premise rather than the actual fanservice.
It probably explains why I can’t enjoy most adult-orientated entertainment, if you know what I mean. I’d be too annoyed over why plumbers are summoned to resolve electricity outages and why sexy young housewives eagerly throw themselves on their tables, sending their expensive porcelain tea sets to the floor.
Of course, with this sort of censorship I can’t really enjoy myself anyway, can I?
The school itself, Hirameki Gakuen (TL: Inspiration Academy) only accepts geniuses. Now according to the Oxford Dictionaries,
an exceptionally intelligent person or one with exceptional skill in a particular area of activity
Going by this definition, I realized that every student can indeed be a genius in their own area of specialization. It’s just that some areas of expertise will be more… respected than others.
As of recently I’ve been very money-minded, what with a rapidly draining bank account and numerous job interviews with financial consultants who all tell me that I ought to be destitute. So therefore I’ll be ranking these geniuses in order of their marketability (read: money-making potential) .
I have no doubt that Tsukuru could single-handedly revive Japan’s economy. And solve the global energy crisis. And successfully privatize world peace.
Because she’s Tony Stark. She’s Tony Stark, but in the body of a blonde loli Japanese girl.
Next up would be Ran. She’s the software to Tsukuru’s hardware. I hope you didn’t see any innuendo in that previous sentence.
I’m confident that in their world, Ran would have been the girl who developed Angry Birds. Or Skynet. Which would make her very rich… right to the point when the robots take over.
Sonokoe Utae, Genius Idol Singer, and Beni Batan, Genius Avant-Garde Artist, are tied. I’m pretty sure that they’ll make just about the same amount of money overall.
It’s just that Utae’s going to get her money in the short term, before her popularity inevitably fizzles out; and Batan’s going to get her money after she dies, since art is only worth something when the artist is dead.
Maybe Batan’s work will be worth more eventually. Like in a hundred years or so. But Utae gets concerts and hundreds of thousands of fans and her face pictured in fancy magazines, while Batan’s probably going to get a Wikipedia article at most, so fair’s fair.
(There’s probably a pun in all their names, since uta = song, but my Japanese’s too crap to get the rest.)
I’m pretty sure you’re wondering just how a gymnast can get rich.
First of all there’s the Olympics. He’ll probably get a gold medal if he’s the genius he’s supposed to be. And multiple gold medals at that, since he’s a Genius Gymnast and not just a Genius Parallel Bar-ist or some other cripplingly overspecialized twat.
Then all he has to do is sit back and let the Genius Publicist/Marketing Executive to build him into a brand and let the endorsements roll in.
Plus every now and then he could compete in Ninja Warrior for a little extra cash. Easy.
Enshuu Ritsu, Genius Mathematician, and Meika Raika, Genius Photographer are tied as well.
Raika’s going to spend the rest of her photographer career crawling through forests/jungles/deserts getting photos for National Geographic. Since paparazzi and ‘civilian journalists’ are going to be ahead of her in everything else.
While Ritsu might be able to get his name on a mathematics textbook and live off the royalties. And I hear the CIA gives out like, a thousand dollars to people who can find prime numbers over a million digits. So he’s practically set for life.
Let’s face it. We’re pretty much scraping the bottom of the barrel here already.
But at least Star (yes, that is her name) can probably earn more money than the average salaryman through voicing those automated subway arrival/departure announcements or the Sponsor messages at the end of anime OPs.
Which is kind of sad for the average salaryman.
Obviously for every great Genius there are probably about ten not-so-great ones. Like Genius Cheerleader over here. She’s such a failure that the censor bar took pity on her and gave her pantsu some screentime.
But really, I hope the anime devotes some time to the unsung heroes such as Genius Photocopier and Genius Paper-Binder. Nothing like a little bitterness to get an anime going.
I’m not actually sure where to place Chief-san on the ranking, since her area of expertise is obscured. I’m guessing that it’s less to do with being an Editor and more to do with the base desires.
She’s not going to be earning a Third World Country’s GDP, but Chief-san’s mastery of the art of rope bondage is nevertheless spectacular.
She can tie you up and somehow manipulate the vibration of certain rope segments/knots independently. The erotic possibilities are limitless.
Now for our protagonist. I’m not too sure whether Taketo can make it big. He’d probably be squeezed out by the Adult Video industry, the ‘Massage Parlour’ industry, or the thousands of enterprising schoolgirls who’d sell themselves cheaper than a Comiket Doujinshi.
But he might just manage to nurture some sort of a literature-ish reputation. Even Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy had sex scenes. They weren’t graphic, but they were still sex scenes.
Of course this little bit is never going to happen. Not unless the current old man in the governorship is booted out.
And even then I’d imagine it’ll take some immense lobbying, bribing and threatening to actually get a porn novel declared as an actual work of literature, much less win any prizes.
But I would actually consider Taketo quite the genius. For two reasons.
1) Taketo has a most active imagination. From colleagues to a pair of sisters, no one is safe.
Arguably, this may not be that remarkable. After all, any hormonal 15-year old is probably capable of the same thing.
Which brings us to…
2) His hand has a will of its own. It could be his subconscious, or it could be that his hand is actually possessed, but I’d love to have a hand that was capable of writing down my most erotic thoughts. With a better vocabulary and smoother sentence structure.
And speaking of vocabulary and sentence structure, here’s an excerpt from Taketo’s notepad:
“The man put his black-red madness to her quivering honey pot. ‘Haan.’ Pleasure juice overflowed. It was hotter than magma and sweeter than cream, and yet, it had a bitterness like sin.”
I honestly can’t decide whether it’s good, or whether it’s so bad that it’s good. Black-red madness? Magma? And yet I could never had composed the simile “bitterness like sin”. I’d buy it.
By the way, Fukune here is definitely going to be Taketo’s main romantic interest. Since he apparently couldn’t bear to write anything other than non-erotic poetry when thinking about her.
No worries about her future though. Musicians can actually earn quite a bit, regardless of how many albums you may have ripped off Youtube.
I’m enjoying this anime. I don’t really have to think much about it as I watch it, and I’m honestly not expecting much out of it other than a few laughs, but it may surprise me.
Who says stories about porn authors can’t be deep and meaningful, eh?
Today, I'm not going to tell you about how I met your mother. We'll get to that later. Today, I'm going to tell you about how I met this group of LEGENDARY folks.
I'm going to tell you about how I met your Otakus. Enjoy the ride.
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