Maria Holic: Alive – 01: Deus Ex Matsurika
Maria Holic is back for another season! Let’s welcome back the unabashed dyke who enrolls into an all-girls high school in search of a female love interest, Miyamae Kanako! Her target, Mariya Shidou, is unfortunately a sadistic cross-dressing boy, who for various extenuating circumstances, is forced into the role. And Kanako breaks out in hives when she gets touched by a person of the opposite sex. We’re in for many tricky encounters it seems.
It’s a new season, but Kanako is still up to her old tricks. Spreading liverwurst (?) on her bread, such that with bread in mouth, rushing for lessons, she’ll bump into her fated one around the corner. It doesn’t help that she’s
cockblocked by God-sama, the school dorm mistress.
Dispirited, Kanako slowly trudges her way to school. She got lost halfway though, and coincidentally chanced upon the forbidden First Girls Dorm. It was this fated place that her parents met, under the magnolia tree. She makes up her mind to venture through the First Girls Dorm, hoping to meet her love in similar fashion.
Spurred on by the company of her friends, Kanako stands bravely in the face of unknown dangers, prepared to reach her destined place in spite of all the trials and tribulations she must suffer. Onwards to the First Girls Dorm!
The First Trial: Soak in the bath for as long as you can, and you shall earn coins for every second you spend in it.
This tingles the dyke-senses of Kanako! She enters mousou-mode, imagining her peers in various BDSM positions. In her perverted stupor though, she wobbles straight into the scalding-hot bath, and promptly gets knocked out long enough to earn a whole bag of coins.
The Second Trial: Insert previously obtained coins, pull the handle, and she shall be summoned.
Who shall be summoned, and why?! It’s none other than the lovely Matsurika, who had been conned into doing a part-time job as a deus ex machina, being bribed with a large heart-shaped Blood Diamond, and a minimum wage of 821 yen.
Deus Ex Machina: a plot device where a seemingly inextricable problem is suddenly and abruptly solved with the contrived and unexpected intervention of some new event, character, ability, or object.
And that’s the role of Matsurika, to solve the Second Trial, which really isn’t a trial.
The Third Trial-test-game-amusement-whatever-thingamajig: Knock out the nine panels with a baseball.
Obviously, the person behind these trials is getting a bit bored of the proceedings. There’s really no point to this trial. Matsurika appears and executes the deus ex machina, knocking all the panels out at point blank range. Impossible situation overcome!
The Fourth Trial: Make it to the end of the Frickin’ Fast Treadmill.
Whoever created this isn’t even trying anymore. Kanako attempts to beat the treadmill, but PHAILS terribly and gets flung to the wall behind. But fear not! There’s always Matsurika!
Whoops, not quite. A maid that goes by the book, she has finished her work hours, and refuses to do overtime to help anymore. It’s all up to Kanako now.
The Fifth –> nth trial: Just let Kanako do it.
Their deus ex machina is gone, and all looks lost. Sachi slaps Kanako to get her into the right mindset, that her parents previously went through all these trials together. Srsly?
It is not known what Kanako went through during those trials, and it may never ever be revealed.
The Final Boss: Final Boss Dorm Mistress God-sama.
That should be it, then? I mean, there’s no way that they can defeat THE dorm mistress, right? Right? But she casually mentions something about Strawberry Daifuku, and Nanami contrives to pull out some Strawberry Daifuku to bribe the God-sama. Deus Ex Machina FTW.
Finally, they’ve made it! Mariya and Matsurika await at the Magnolia tree, with tea and snacks prepared. Kanako is overjoyed at her success. After all, she experienced first-hand the trials that couples would have to make without using the emergency exit in order to be together.
Yes, Deus Ex Machina makes its comeback for the last time! An emergency exit is of absolute necessity, else it would have been a breach of the building safety regulations. You can almost imagine the look on Kanako’s face. It’s not pretty. And she has to go back the way she came. A service from the lovely Mariya, as always.
The OP for this episode was hilarious. Tomokazu Sugita, of Kyon and Gintama fame, sings this opening theme. It’s a throwback to the golden generation Tokusatsu Sentai films. But we’ll see the real one next week.
Overall, I was mighty impressed with this opening episode of the new season. It sets the pace perfectly with the kind of humour that many who follow Maria Holic expect. It is also accessible to people new to this series, as the premise is simple, and we’ll always get a kick out of seeing Kanako getting owned by her delusions.