Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka – 07: Maelstrom the Muteki Kanban Musume
Haruna: Root 3 minus root 2.
Ayumu: How did you get that? What steps did you take?
Haruna: What’s one plus one?
Haruna: Then what steps did you take to get that?
Ayumu: But there aren’t any steps!
That is the kind of answer you’d expect to get if you’re receiving lessons from Sheldon Cooper of Big Bang Theory. I bet Sheldon, with all his theoretical physics know-how, would give a more detailed explanation than Haruna regarding String Theory. You can’t help but draw a link between Ika Musume and Haruna. Both are bratty girls that often depict themselves as slightly more dense than what their innate intelligence beholds, but when it comes to math solutions, it’s easy as pie to them. The way they go about solving it however, is quite different from the generic step-by-step method. Through the use of cartoonish caricatures, and in Ika Musume’s case creatures from the sea, the solutions are illustrated in pictures and scribbles, totally undecipherable and unintelligible to the average zombie that attends high school.
The scene moves to Ayumu taking his test. Halfway through it, he is interrupted by Haruna, who tells him while clingling on the outside wall via suction cups, that there is an impending Megalo attack, and that she would get to the location first. It is midday, and it is sun-blazing, leaf-crackling, skin-burning, icecream-melting sort of hot. Exactly the situation that Ayumu does not want, and exactly the kind of situation that would kill an average zombie. Yeah, in my days serving the nation, there are such people who for some reason or another, are excused from direct sunlight. Funny that you don’t see that much anywhere else. But I digress. Ayumu has to travel to the Megalo location under the hot sun, and he tries every way to avoid it, scooting from shelter to shelter, as if his life depended on it. It does, actually.
Alas! Ayumu’s is met with an unsheltered 100-metre stretch of ground, determined to halt his progress at all costs! Bravely, he forges ahead, but slowly shrivels up like a dried prune. He finally makes it to the location of the Megalo assailant, which takes the form of a clothed horse. Somehow, it reminded me of the attacker in a horse mask in Full Metal Panic Fumoffu! Instead of a ponytail fetish, this Megalo has a loli pantsu fetish. The horse Megalo easily takes on both Haruna and Ayumu, who is weakened by prolonged exposure to the sun. Time for him to transform into a Magiclad Girl then. Amazingly, his vitality is restored, and is ready to fight the Megalo once again.
However, they are ambushed by a bunch of jellyfish! Yeah, it’s best not to take this show too seriously. Their tentacles incapacitate Ayumu, delivering a surge of electricity through him. Then, the tentacles reach into his manhood, for god knows why. Haruna isn’t spared as well; those loli lovers will sure get their fair share of fan service.
The situation seems dire, but Maelstrom makes her appearance, toting a traditional metal case holding bowls of Tonkotsu Ramen. Apparently, the ramen has been imbued with magical power such that with a simple splash from the bowl thrown by Maelstrom, it totally eradicates the jellyfish and the horse Megalo. Seraphim arrives to clear the stragglers, and armlocks the over-friendly Maelstrom who comes to greet her. It turns out that she is a Vampire Ninja as well, but is from a different faction to Seraphim. Ayumu and Haruna do not know the gender of Maelstrom yet, and chaos ensues when Haruna pushes Ayumu straight into the path of Maelstrom for ignoring her. It’s been repeated to the point of cliche, but Ayumu manages to fall on Maelstrom and kiss her, with his hand on her boob. Only then did he realise her gender.
As Ayumu and Seraphim walk back home, it is revealed that the first kiss to a Vampire Ninja would mean immediate marriage to the other party, hence Maelstrom’s unusually generous attitude towards Ayumu. It is something that she performs in a semi-dere state, due to the sudden nature of the marriage. Ayumu put two and two together, and realises why Seraphim doesn’t want to suck blood from him. In order to do that, she’d have to kiss him to numb the pain, but in the process marrying him according to the rules of the Vampire Ninja.
They reach the house and find Haruna and Eu decorating a Christmas tree, claiming that it is Tanabata (Japanese New Year). Their depiction of Santa Claus (Or Satan Claus, if you get what I mean) is hilarious. According to Haruna, Santa Claus rides in a chariot pulled by two beasts, and his robe is stained red by the blood of the people he killed. He carries the corpses around in a big body bag, and invades houses that have bamboo trees, granting wishes to anybody who has a pony tail. Can I get a Johannes Krauser II? SATSUGAI SURU ZO.
They celebrate Tanabata by writing their wishes on cards, and they tie up their hair in ponytails. Eu looks fabulous, Seraphim already has one but she’s already fabulous, and Ayumu looks surprisingly good in one too. Ayumu finds them dressed in nonsensical costumes, and they end the night eating homemade shaved ice, while gazing upon the night sky, which is awash with a dazzling array of stars.
The next day, Ayumu receives Instructor Dai’s gift from a student, which turns out to be a pair of glasses, and he finds out that Maelstrom is actually a student in a neighbouring class, named Yoshida Yuki. Yuki made a lunchbox for Ayumu, claiming that she puts the rules of the Vampire Ninja before self, and that she is actually looking forward to be married. Cue a moment of D’AWWWWW. Due to the Kanji characters in her name, Orito mispronounces her name into Tomonori (the characters in her name can be pronounced that way too). Orito writes her name on the board, and Yuki shoves the glasses onto Ayumu’s face and asks him to read out her name precisely. Turns out that the glasses are X-ray glasses! I wonder why Instructor Dai would bequeath such an item to Ayumu.
Basically a nonsensical episode compared to the all-action one last week. But this is Kore Zombie, and it’s refreshing to see that it returns back to its nonsensical roots. But this episode is nearly devoid of any plot, so I’ll be looking forward to next week’s episode, hoping that it’ll get back on track.